SAMPLE CHAPTER
The
Reunion Book
Dottie
Carroll Missouri
Birthmother, Located daughter age 17 after one year of search.
The following was part of her
reunion experience:
| b Adoptive mother deceased |
b Acceptance |
| b Rejection |
b Mental
Illness |
I have always wanted to find her. I vowed that the
day I signed adoption paper when I was fifteen years old, that if there was any way, I
would. I got ripped off for money by trusting someone who said they could help me. The
wanting and the waiting was tormenting. But the rewards were finding out her name, calling
her on the phone and hugging her for the first time. It was the best day of my
life, the biggest high. I felt in control of my life. I didn't feel hostile about
life as before. I had feelings of winning over an injustice. The torments were gone, I was
at peace, things were settled. Her adoptive mother had committed suicide (a paranoid
schizophrenic) and that was difficult to accept.
My own mother acted as if she supported me, but it was phony and
she didn't believe I would really find. My husband was behind me, but sometimes he would
get upset because search would be with me like I was obsessed--possessed. I would wake up
in the middle of the night, thinking of the next move to find my daughter. My aunt and
grandmother would have tried to stop me because it might hurt me -- HA! Thank God they
live in another state. Friends were mostly supportive.
My daughter and I had a very good reunion. We wrote for over a year
and made lots of phone calls. Her adoptive father on the first phone call told me he
wished I lived closer and could come and stay with them. Then I went to her in person. At
first, we hugged and it was very positive, ands then she turned off to me. I love her but
don't like her. I feel sorry for her and myself for it could be sooo good. I foresee
little communication with her dad or sister -- but I will always make some
contact during the year. I will always love her and will never let her go because if I do
-- that will show her I rejected her. In my heart I want her and would do almost anything
still to get her back. My dream is her coming to me.
I just sent her a birthday card and always remember her. I'll
always try to be there for her. It hurts, but the biggest hurt is never knowing her. I'll
never regret finding her. Not knowing her was HELL on earth. I'm worth knowing. Though it
is her choice not to know me, it is her loss, and maybe her seeing how much I care, she'll
come around, but I won't force myself on her.
ADVICE: Birthparents -- you have aright to find --
do it! you will grow form it. Torment and anger leaves you. You gain peace of mind and
life is worth living again. Finding is the best day you'll ever have.
Adoptees -- You have a right to know where you came from. Give the
reunion a fair chance.
Adoptive parents -- Don't deny your child complete love and caring.
Help them to find themselves. Your adoptive child came from a birthparent, not a stork
from court. We birthparents do care very much. We are good people, not the bad image
society put on us. How can you love our child and hate us?
©1987. MJ Rillera. All Rights Reserved. The
Reunion Book
The Reunion Book Includes 70 stories from people age 16 to 61, reunited
from 4 weeks to 18 years. ISBN: 0-910143-05-6. $19.95
TRIADOPTION® Imprint
Books Published and Distributed by
P.O. Box
638, Westminster, California 92684
