Searchbook

TRIADOPTION was formed as an information center in 1978 to gather and dispense data to assist adoptees, birthparents, siblings and others in locating family members. Based on the belief that adoption adds options and creates extended families, it seemed appropriate to support full disclosure to all parties, complete opening of all sealed records and assistance in acquiring everything pertinent to facilitating reunions and ongoing relationships.
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SAMPLE CHAPTER Chapter 12 *Attitudes That Work* Most searches are completed successfully -- some in a short time without much trouble and some over a longer time with much more involved procedures. Some searchers start with a lot of information and are working with enlightened record holders. Other searchers are not so lucky and must count on diligent effort and hard work to accomplish their goals. Most searchers start out thinking that they have no information at all, but it usually turns out that they have far more than they thought. It often takes an experienced eye to decipher valuable information. The average search takes from three months to one year. The success of the search very much depends upon the work habits and attitudes of the searcher. ORGANIZATION is essential for any searcher. Often four or five letters may be exchanged just to obtain one document or bit of data, so searchers can generate a voluminous amount of paperwork. Learning to keep your files well organized and accessible cannot be stressed enough. I have seen cases delayed for months, because a missing piece to the puzzle was misfiled or hidden in the bottom of a drawer. DETERMINATION and PERSISTENCE are also essential attributes for searchers. Some searches have been solved within hours by luck, expert instruction or a match through a reunion registry, but most take a lot of focus and work. Over and over again, I have seen cases broken only because the searcher would not give up. Don't take NO for an answer. All searchers are faced with such undermining feelings as indecision, self-doubt, insecurity and procrastination. They are normal. You should not feel ashamed of them, but they must be overcome. You must have conviction that what you are doing is right and that you have a right to the information you seek. You must learn to tell the difference between taking a break and procrastination. It is common for searchers to take a "vacation". You are entitled to take time to recuperate, to recharge, to plan a new approach, but you must always maintain your resolve to go on. PATIENCE is the searchers virtue. Replies to your letters take a long time, and you must not fill that time with anxiety or worry. I know searchers who have closed their own doors by rushing and pressuring. Be easy; slow down. Patience allows you to keep a clear picture of your search and its progress. When that picture gets muddled, back off a little, and try doing something else for awhile. INTUITION has broken uncountable cases. Learn to trust it. It can never hurt to follow a hunch. One birthmother who had searched for many years finally went to a local newspaper with her story. It was printed on the morning of her daughters eighteenth birthday. The adoptive mother saw the story. She carefully clipped it out, placed it in a box, wrapped it up and gave it to her daughter as a birthday gift. The reunion took place including the adoptee and both mothers. That hunch paid off and so could yours. BURN-OUT has turned out to be a real problem not only for some who are committed to help searchers but for some searchers themselves. When things are not progressing well, when you feel that search is brining you nothing but frustration, when it seems that no matter what you do the returns are inadequate, when you find yourself abrupt with people you care about and overly emotional about minor incidents, take a good look at yourself. Burn-out occurs the worst in those of us who deny it the longest. If you're loaded beyond current capacity, it is time for a vacation. Put your search away for a week, or month, or whatever you need. Enjoy your family, job or friend. Read a good book, see several good movies, do anything that is not adoption or search oriented. When you return to your search you will have a fresh outlook, more energy and a clearer perspective. In the long run, the time you spend recuperating from the stresses of search will pay off. Š1981-98. M J Rillera. All Rights Reserved. The Adoption Searchbook: Techniques for Tracing People. The Adoption Searchbook: Techniques for Tracing People by MJ Rillera. ISBN: 0-910143-00-5. 3rd Edition, $19.95 TRIADOPTIONŽ Imprint Books Published and Distributed by P.O. Box 638, Westminster, California 92684